Now I Have Everything
On this Memorial Day, in which we honor the memory of those who have given their lives in military service to the nation, I’m reposting a piece that details the very relationship that makes this newsletter and the Jazz Leadership Project possible: the love between me and my wife and partner in life, Jewel Kinch-Thomas.
Yesterday was our 18th anniversary. We celebrated at TAO restaurant at the Mohegan Sun Resort in Connecticut.
A Love Story: Greg & Jewel
My Rose of Sharon, my Lily of the Valley, my cherie amour. My inspiration and motivation, my angel clothed in human flesh, flesh that warms to my touch, and is blindingly beautiful to the eye. Your voice soothes and excites me, your soul enriches my spirit.
—Greg to Jewel, Feb. 14, 2013
Since I’m a writer, I love words, and they’ve come in handy over the 20+ years of our relationship. Like the time, nearly ten years before we walked down the aisle in 2008, when I felt and thought I had lost her. I hadn’t yet evolved to the focused commitment that a woman of Jewel’s caliber deserves, so she told me she needed space. Since my own words were falling on deaf ears, I called upon the Old Testament’s Song of Solomon, Rumi's poetry, and Shakespeare's sonnets to reach her. That summer, I also made a Maxell XLII cassette tape of jazz and R&B tunes that evoked memories of our erotic soundtrack.
The Tape
I spent an entire weekend curating that tape as if my life depended on it. In the deepest chambers of my heart, it did. Rather than being hopeless, I was being a hopeful romantic, putting as much care, feeling, and skill into the mix of quiet storm songs as a chef mixing herbs and spices to craft a delectable meal. If my attempt to woo her back through poetry, music, and love lyrics didn’t work, at least she’d have a memento of our passion.
Here are the artists and songs on what we call “The Tape”:
Side A
Oleta Adams “The Day I Stop Loving You”
Luther Vandross “It’s Hard for Me to Say Goodbye”
Joe “All the Things Your Man Won’t Do”
Luther Vandross “Crazy Love”
Joe “The Love Scene”
Luther Vandross “Too Proud to Beg”
Luther Vandross “Knocks Me Off My Feet”
Steve Wonder & Take 6 “Why I Feel This Way”
Sarah Vaughan & Take 6 “Setembro” (Brazilian Wedding Song)
Take 6 “Badiyah” (Interlude)
Take 6 “We’ll Be Right Back”
Side B
Wynton Marsalis “After You’ve Gone”
Tony Bennett “Indian Summer”
Jon Hendricks “In Summer”
Jimmy Scott “Every Time We Say Goodbye”
Johnny Griffin “Woe Is Me”
George Benson “You Don’t Know What Love Is”
Jon Lucien & Melba Moore “Lonely For You”
Nancy Wilson “If I Ever Would Leave You”
Oleta Adams “Come When You Call”
Earth, Wind & Fire “Beijo (Interlude)” (aka “Badiyah”)
The finishing touch was a declaration in sound, which I put on my answering machine to reflect my melancholy, my sorrow, my keening desire for my DCT—dream-come-true—to come back. I didn’t care who heard it; I felt, I knew, that at some point Jewel would hear and get the message. That’s all that mattered. The song was “Now I Have Everything,” a luscious ballad performed by Cannonball Adderley on alto sax with a plush arrangement featuring Charles Lloyd on flute. I asked her to pay close attention to the 3:27-3:33 portion, representing my heart pleading its case to hers.
I won her back, I’m happy to say. In the years to come, we’d slow drag to the songs above and more. But I got restless again in 2007. This time, though, it was that I’d had enough of life without seeing and being with her every single damn day. In fact, I got angry about not being with her, always and forever, so I spoke with her parents, Merline and Berkeley Kinch, about my intention to ask for her hand in marriage. In fact, Merline and I conspired together; she helped me pick out an engagement ring from Zales.
The moment of truth came on our first cruise, to the Western Caribbean, together, at a high-end French restaurant on the vessel. I recall Edith Piaf singing “La Vie En Rose”; I took that as a cue . . . got on my knees, pulled out the ring, and popped the question.
The answer was Yes! On May 24, 2008, we were married by the Rev. James Forbes, kin and friends from both families witnessing and supporting our matrimony.
Now, eighteen years later, I can declare that this, by far, is the best decision I’ve ever made. Thanks for joining us on this journey of leadership, which in our case is grounded in love.